FEROSH;;; [i know what you are, womanizer .]

Like a nervous heart that is crazy beating.

i'm proud to be who i am, i don't need your approval. immitation; the most sincere form of flattery, although if you do attempt to rip my codes, copy my pictures, claim credit for anything i made, you're going down. welcome to my site, hate me? look for that little red cross on the top of your browser, and click. [disclaimer-]

Tuesday, October 21, 2008 @7:55 AM

it comes with a price.

Do you ever get that feeling where you don't wanna talk to anybody? You don't wanna smile and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. At least when you're alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take 'I don't know' for an answer. You feel the way you do just Because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait. Wait for it to pass.

i just briefly read nina's blog. and i really relate to it 100%. i don't know what is wrong most of the time, and when i do, when i tell them it sounds like a freaking stupid reason to be upset. well, i guess that's just the way i feel most of the time. once i stopped faking, my 'friends' cracked down at me, told me to wake up to 'reality' and notice that other people have hard lives as well. does she think that i do not know this? but when you're upset, i guess the only person you think about often is yourself. of course, you have sympathy for your other friends who are upset, but you don't need to fucking keep it in all the time! that is what makes me feel like i cannot express my own feelings to my friends without being trodden on. so, i may as well just keep my false smile plastered on my face. may as well stop wishing that whatever feelings i have left for him now would simply go away. it took me a year to fully get over my last crush - see, when i 'crush' on someone, i don't just hop from one person to another. i fall for them, and hard. which is why it's so difficult to gtfoh. it's so difficult to come back off from the floor, dust myself off. i know next year it will happen to me again - and it will. smile though your heart is breaking, they say. maybe i will when i realise that my friends only want me to be HAPPY - but if they can't take me at my worst, they don't deserve me at my best. of course, this doesn't apply to kristi, caitlyn or angelica.

chicks before dicks. and i'm sure you'll have trouble trying to understand that, because your world revolves around you and him. when i liked him too, you told me that if he asked you out, you would say yes and told me that i should be happy for you. that is not how this works. i cannot believe you would pull one on me like that. expect me to apologise when you hurt me the most. you didn't even put me first. you were in a fantasy land about him going out with you. chicks before dicks. think about that.
and if you can't, i am so sorry for you - you won't have beautiful friends like angelica for long though. and when you don't, you'll realise how much of a fool you have become, and maybe realise you were in the wrong, and that you should apologise first. although you never did that with me.